Essence

I have noticed that i come to the biggest insights of my being in moments of quiet and loving acceptance. My mind may or may not be so quiet in these moments. I consider these insights ‘cadeaus’ (gifts). Literally, out of nowhere lands a little gem in my lap and I am left both breathless and awestruck by the simplicity of the moment.One of the bigger insights came recently when during a light moment someone made a joke about me and sort of, about my raison-d’être. The moment passed without any visible injuries. However, it had touched me deep within – a chink in my armour. And at this moment, no light flowed in through this chink! What did flow in was pain like a stab-jab-wound. It hurt and it hurt some more. The deepest philosophical and existential questions I thought to have answered for myself were rummaged and raked like dry leaves making unbearable noise. The pain stayed on unabated as did the existential discomfort.And then, as it always happens after the rain, shines the sun. In that tender pain-soaked moment, I saw my inner-child/self as an open lotus, its petals completely open with my child-essence shining through. This gentle and tender essence had been hidden through the petals. Petals of identification – knowledge, degrees, education, status, friendships, residence and all the worldly pursuits we acquire and follow to enhance our image.This tender-essence has brought the soft fluidity back in my thinking and existence and I am so grateful for it. In Hindi, we have an idiom, ‘Nindak nede rakhiye’ (keep a critic close-by) and I now understand why….

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