My Zen lessons are nowadays few and far between as life has decided to throw all sorts of challenges at me in the last few months or even years. In my opinion, it’s teaching me to ‘catch’ and to deal with my fears and grow. And, I welcome them….honestly, more like, gulp them down like a bitter medicine.
Nonetheless on one of the recently attended lessons given by a replacing teacher, we were asked to focus on a flower arranged in a bouquet. And our mantra was, ‘I see you, you see me, who is it that sees?’ In the beginning, the mantra itself felt like an obstruction and a distraction. It felt like words coming in the way of beings yearning to meet each other. Later though, I felt connected with the flower in my energy as if we had one aura around us and I felt peace along with sadness.
In the next lesson, we repeated the exercise – the bouquet was fresh and inspiring replete with my favorite pink lilies along with a flaming orange daisy-like flower, the class was fuller and my regular teacher was back. I don’t know which one of the factors triggered my experience but this time I felt my heart opening and with that, a great sense of joy and a sort of childlike laughter the kind one feels while falling in love.
I can and still do connect with that inner laughter and joy. I have very recently (read today :-)) started dancing on the advice of a young Shiatsu therapist who has so amazingly balanced my energy a couple of times in the last few months. I figured that in dance, I draw on the same (source of) joy, a sort of joie de vivre, inherent and residing in me like all of us. It’s unimaginable how in the direst of circumstances, it’s still there within me, waiting to be engaged or drawn out.
I, being a thinker and a worrier and my mind in a ‘Zen state’ not being the normal order of things, I am beginning to wonder what took me so long to get to the Zen school which is, figuratively speaking, at a stone-throw from my house.